Saturday, November 15

i haven't wrote for a while so ill update on my week..
yea it was boring
lol thats all about my week. Yesterday was cool Rachel came over and we just chilled. i just now realized i have a fuckin cat farm here lol. 6 kitty's. I hate cats lol. im listening to michelle branch lol. Im soo tired and im supposed to call troy soon or something. Poor cat, it has had difficultys ever since it inhaled that liquid air freshner. lol. Theres no more snow... and it makes me kinda happy, cuz its soo miserable when there is snow! everything looks sooo muddy and nasty when it melts though. I wrote 2 more songs lol but im not putting them on here. u will just have to wait till taken cadences next show to hear em
# posted by .:.Janae.:. @ 11:07 AM

Tuesday, November 11

i know its hard to keep going when u spend ur day staring at the flickering light bulbs and then find urself left with nothing but a burned out lightbulb and a blank stare.
I find it hard to cope when i lay out every word dieing in my mind only to watch it burn right in front of my face.
And i keep screaming at nothing but walls and waiting for them to whisper a silent reply, and maybe offer a hug to comfort some little piece of me thats dieing for affection.
or maybe its attention i crave, just knowing that somebody with a blurry mind can look at me sanely.
I've been left standing with smudged eyeliner and an empty suitcase full of tears waiting for some trip called love to pick me up and drive right over a cliff.
but i still grab on sooo tight, like its worth something, like im something more then a body with a vagina. maybe a body with heart...
And i get sooo wrapped up in finding something, that i actually think that a piece of red muscle called the heart actuallly has feeling, when its soul purpose is to keep me alive, though most of the time it breaks me and leaves me screaming out for something.
My minds a crazy fuckin thing, a place for words to fall into and then sit there for years just trying to find their way out, trying to find their sanity
I find myself laughing at the things we shed tears for, and crying for what should heal, cuz i know neither. pain nor love. those extremes have been meant, but my mind shoos them away..
oh wait i think i may have found one thing, but hes just waiting for me to loosen the chain and run away along wtih of course my heart.
a guilty conscious is what im here with, knowing that i drag every man in, letting them think that i wont' love them, that i won't only spend every second thinking about how much i hate myself for thinking a thought such as "hey they might actually love you".
When im alone i hear someone screaming they need me, and im still searching for the person, that person needs me, and not me needing them. So again i spit out every random phrase that whispers faintly in my mind, maybe the voice will find me, then i will walk alone but sanely together with my mind and heart put back gently in place by a made up character, to rescue me from the pain and screw in a new light bulb.

# posted by .:.Janae.:. @ 12:50 PM

Sunday, November 9

this weekend was awesome. Friday i went to the awesome show at the uu, and i go to hang out with troy boy. but i had massive cramps so i really didn't get into the bands that much.*burp* then saturday was alex's birthday so troy and alex came over and we had brownies and laid around and watched tv. thats pretty much all we did other then look at the moon which was defiantly awesome. Overall it was a whole lot of fun. Then today lacey and i went over to kats house for a band practice, but see we didn't practice cuz we all didn't feel like it, plus we had some issues we had to talk through.Troy is lame online, i think he needs to smash his face into the computer screen and WAKE UPPPPPPPPPPP TROYYYY ...YOUR BEING BORING ASSNUTtoday tom got mad at me.. something about brandy.. hmmm
whatever.
# posted by .:.Janae.:. @ 8:31 PM

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